What I Really Meant to Say
by Arlene
Summary: Robin and Spoiler meet up after Batman's "betrayal"


Disclaimer: DC owns the characters. Not mine, never will be. No money is being made from this piece of fiction. "What I Really Meant to Say" is by Cindi Thomson and is used without permission.

What I Really Meant to Say

By Arlene

As Robin soared through the night sky, he reveled in the feeling of flying: the wind pushing against him, the tautness of the cable, the weightlessness as he hit the top of an arc. After snow, mini-yetis, snakes and even more snow, it was good to be home. He missed flying. 

He headed towards one of his lookout points, one of the tallest buildings in Gotham. He didn't dare go to his favorite spot, the roof of Wayne Towers, because He would be there, and Tim wasn't ready to face Him after His betrayal. Unfortunately, being home also meant he'd have to deal with his problems. He hadn't told anyone that he'd returned to Gotham yet, but Tim was pretty sure that with His resources, He'd find out anyway. 

And Tim certainly hadn't informed Spoiler about his return. He needed to straighten out his feelings for her. On the one hand, he was still angry with her. Even though she'd known how important his identity was to him, she had still jumped at the first opportunity to discover his secret. Then again, she'd been manipulated by the Bat. Yet, he still wanted her so much. 

He landed gracefully on the rooftop. His thoughts still in a muddle, his boots scraped the surface, making more noise than usual. A column of purple whirled around, and suddenly, he was facing one of his problems. Stephanie. 

//It caught me by surprise

When I saw you standing there

Close enough to touch

Breathing the same air//

Caught off-guard, he immediately clamped down on his emotions, his facial expression automatically slipping into the one he saved for muggers and rapists. Show no fear.

"Rob--Tim?" Stephanie gasped. She pulled back her mask. "You're back! Are-are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Although his face showed nothing of his inner turmoil, emotions raced through him.

//You ask me how I've been

I just smile and say I'm just fine

Oh, but baby I was lyin'//

He felt anxiety, a flashback to that night at Brentwood when she had first called him by his real name. He felt a longing to be with her, to hold her, to see her smile. He felt anger at her betrayal. He felt joy that she still cared about him. He felt irritable--he needed to think, and her presence wouldn't help him do that. He didn't know what to say, so he settled on saying nothing.

The silence stretched on. Nervous about the situation herself, Stephanie made an effort. "I've missed you, you know. After you, uh, left," she waved vaguely. 

Tim understood that she really meant after he had run away. He wanted to tell her that he missed her too, that he was sorry for running, that he was scared. But no matter how hard he thought the words, they just wouldn't come out of his mouth. His jaws were so tightly clenched that all he managed to grind out was, "Oh."

//What I really meant to say

Is that I'm dying here inside

And I miss you more each day

There's not a night I haven't cried

And baby here's the truth

I'm still in love with you

Yeah, that's what I really meant to say//

Silence reigned yet again. After shuffling around a bit, Stephanie straightened up and looked him in the eye. She took a deep breath. "Batman offered to train me. He says I've got potential." Excited, she went on. "Don't you see, Tim? We can be together now. No more secrets. We don't have to sneak around anymore."

What? She was Batman's partner now? After all his hard work as Robin, after all the training, running around, sacrifices that Tim made, the Spoiler was accepted into the Cave just like that? That's what she wanted all along wasn't it? Did she even like him for himself?

"That's great, Steph. Welcome to the club," he snapped back sarcastically. 

Stephanie stepped back as if she had been slapped, and the light faded from her eyes. "But I thought that's what you wanted? That you wanted to tell me, but couldn't . . ." Her face flushed, and her eyes narrowed. "Fine, *Robin*," she spat out, "I just wanted to let you know that *someone* cared, that I was worried about you. Guess I didn't have to worry at all, huh? 'Cuz your just freakin' *fine*. Well, screw you!" She turned and dove off the building. 

Stunned by her outburst, it took him a while to get himself to move again.

//And as you walked away

The echo of my words

Cut just like a knife

Cut so deep it hurt

I held back my tears

Held on to my pride and watched you go

I wonder if you'll ever know//

His anger suddenly dissipated, and he felt empty. It wasn't her fault. She really did care for him. But he couldn't make himself go after her. Moving to the edge, he just looked down at the glittering lights of the city, calling himself several kinds of idiot. Way to go, Drake.

//What I really meant to say

Is I'm really not that strong

No matter how I try

I'm still holding on

And here's the honest truth

I'm still in love with you

Yeah, that's what I really meant to say//

Rationally, he knew that he needed to get past her seeming betrayal and that his anger was misdirected. He needed to tell her that he forgave her and in return, he needed to ask for her forgiveness. Most importantly, he needed to tell her that he still loved her and that he wanted to give their relationship another chance. But watching the city below, he knew that he had just ruined the only good thing in left in his life.

//That's what I really meant to say//

End 


End file.
